I slammed my back against the corner of the wall as my mind took an unforeseen left. I stood there confused sifting experience and reason as I grappled with the ideas that once seemed precious to me. You see, a few months prior to that moment, something happened. It was my “God moment”; a God “moment” that would eternally leave a mark on me. Simply put, He found me in the corner of my room knees bent to the ground as I finally gave in to His pursuit (He seems to have a way with corners and four edged surfaces- but that is a story for another day). I had ‘known’ God to be a distant mystical figure, ruling deep in the cosmos, making guest appearances whenever I felt need of Him (which was few). Yet, as He showed up on that night, I realized, even more so, that perhaps the ‘God’ I thought I knew was simply a convenient entity that I had created in my mind. This One was real. And He was yet to shock me again.
You see, something had been happening all along
I was like a kid in a candy store (or a grown man next to a street food vendor). Eager to absorb everything I had missed along the small trajectory of my seventeen years, I dove deep. I read every book, marked every experience and sat under every voice that seemed to fan my newfound flame: God! If it looked, felt and tasted like Jesus, it had to be Him. I was sold! It seemed all too surreal for me. The sensation, goosebumps and heartfelt zeal had me pressing deeper (no longer did He seem far). And then something happened. It started as an insignificant little drop which escalated to a trickle which soon became a stream. I could not shake off the feeling. I slammed my back against the corner of the wall as my mind took an unforeseen left. You see, something had been happening all along. My starry-eyed wonder into all things ‘Jesus’ soon took a back seater. In all my wild pursuits God had graciously channeled my passion into the simple library room of His sixty-six books: the Bible. The more I read, the more I felt this gut wrenching feeling that perhaps some of what I had held onto was perhaps not Him; was perhaps not the truth. I felt confused. I felt lost. I felt wrecked.
He chooses to remove falsehood so that we may have a better glimpse of who He is…
Every so often God has a way of wrecking our theology. Studying God and knowing Him paints the crux of the Christian faith (‘this is eternal life; that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent ”). Every single one of us, admittedly or not, has predetermined notion of who God is (and dare I say, who we would like Him to be). Culture, human experience and even religion have contributed to our ideologies of who He is. We marvel at the ‘God’ who exists for our comfort. We marvel at the ‘God’ who desires our happiness and not our holiness. We marvel at the ‘God’ who propels our agenda instead of us propelling His. Yet, somewhere along our trajectory, He stops us in our tracks revealing bits of our perceptions that do not resonate with who He actually is. The first time He wrecked me, I felt the tears of sadness and embarrassment roll down my face. ‘I thought I knew You.’ It was in that moment that I knew Him more than I had ever known Him. God takes great pleasure in revealing Himself when we have come to our ends-when all that we have known comes shattering before His throne. It is then that His great radiance beams before our eyes and we see Yahweh for who He truly is: that He is the all-knowing, all present and all powerful God! He is not like me and I am most certainly not like Him. He is God. He is far beyond my league; far beyond all human comprehension and wisdom. Yet He chooses to reveal Himself to us. He chooses to remove falsehood so that we may have a better glimpse of who He is. He chooses to daily sanctify us, wrecking our theology and our idols so that one day we may see Him for who He truly is: God!
My prayer is that the truth we have sought be refined,
My prayer is that our knowledge be daily sanctified,
As truth gets revealed, no more hidden nor disguised,
My prayer is that He wrecks your theology as He wrecks mine…
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”- Jesus (John 10:27)
At His Feet…
- John 17:3